May 9, 2019 § 3 Comments
Dear Readers. I am more active on my on my Patreon account but when it comes to long worded writings, I figure wordpress is best. Is it true the written words are really that undesirable. People skim more than they actually read where as once upon a time the written words was our television, our technology and our Netflix. I gather that most people that want to explore my head may be those that aren’t interested in my Patreon (though that is just as much “me” as my “words”).
Aside from working on my book I have been planning a Tour through Europe, a few gigs and events for Burlesque (before I leave in July) and finally finishing off the film The Hollow Way which was directed my Christopher Edmund and I played Jean Holloway. The rough draft of the poster (Painted by the talented Nathalie Rattner).
Below may possibly be part of a prologue or Introduction to a book I will be publishing after Amy Heather (loving friends and a wonderful model) published a book herself and told me to step out of the closet poetry and into the limelight. I’ve already written toughly 38 pages not including the Introduction pages… but they will explain a little more about me and and answer a lot of, I guess you could say, personal, questions I have been asked through email. I though it may be a way to connect with so many of you beautiful people who have taken the time to acknowledge my art and even that little extra time to research me.
Now I leave you with my first draft of words:
BOOK: Concrete Painted Floral:
I didn’t know people had secrets. When I was six or seven years old, I didn’t understand what a secret was. Back then I just felt it was a sense of shame. Something I knew others would react badly to. So I kept certain events I had experienced to myself, though I knew not why. For a long time, it seemed secrets were my fuel. I kept mine – what I thought were mine – and everybody else’s. It was only through art and creativity that I was first able to truly communicate with the world.
I had always been artistic and physically expressive, but it was during my junior schooling, in a dramatic theatre class, that I noticed I was being noticed – in a positive sense. This was to be the hook that reeled me into performance. Before that moment when people noticed me at school, it was usually in a negative way. I was never popular with my peers and my schooling (apart from studio arts) I was absolutely terrible at. I was put into all sorts of special needs and education classes.
My father was a busy lawyer and couldn’t help me with my homework due to lack of time. My mother who came from Sweden was not only balancing taking care of my brother and I but admitted to me once she was insecure about her abilities in helping with homework seeing as English was her second language and she never completed her schooling (despite that my mother is a very smart and strong woman). I do, however, have my mother to thank for Swedish being my second language and the opportunity in travelling around the world at such a young age. I’ve travelled from country to country, but over the years Sweden, America and Australia have been where I most often stay. I guess you could call me Australian, but in my heart I could never really settle in one place.
My mother moved from Sweden in her early twenties and my father migrated from Croatia when he was six. They met when she was fifteen and he was in his twenties. Their history is theirs to tell.
I’m both an actress and model but modelling was more or less an accident. I was introduced to a photographer named Peter Coulson through a mutual friend who also dabbled in photography. Peter Coulson became family to me and I would often visit his studio or be invited into the family home for supper or company. It seemed inevitable that I would learn about photography, lighting and modelling.
Peter definitely taught me a lot but I do like to think that we learned from each other, personally and in our creative work. It really came down to the fact that I loved to dress up and he loved to capture moments. We have created such a large archive (most of which is even seen).
I’ve been asked a lot if I have a favorite photograph but I find it an impossible question to answer. It’s difficult to select a favorite photograph as sometimes the memory is far wilder than the photograph, or even the other way around. One image that is quite personal to me is where I am standing on a grey backdrop holding a purse with some jewelry and black heels. I came in with a rough drawing and even more rough explanation of what lighting I envisioned. I wanted everything to be exact (which is something that Peter and I don’t often become pedantic over) and look natural at the same time. Peter was terribly supportive and walked into the unknown, thinking he would shoot blindly, I’m sure. But after the first shot went off he instantly understood and he caught the image in my mind that I found so hard to explain. I’ll even admit, he made it even clearer than what I saw in my mind.
Creating this image was a triumph for me as every detail told a story of a very difficult personal journey, a meaning only I could decipher. I doubt I’d remember the details behind the meaning of the image now but my achievement was in that moment. I found a freedom where I was able to properly express a stage in my life, and set it free.